November 26, 2014

Homeowner Thanksgiving, Part IV

From the Diary of Elder Owen, Mayflower Pilgrim:

August, 1611. Fortunately, our native brethren again stepped in to save the day this spring, teaching us to fertilize our maize crop using dead fish (they were giggling, so they may have been playing a gag). But now harvest has come and we have corn growing out of our ears!

I'm a little worried about the Indians, however. Apparently their long houses have been overrun by crabgrass, and they seem rather cross about it. The issue came near to violence a fortnight ago, an incident averted only when Elder Schmidt, sitting out back all alone, suddenly and inadvertently invented popcorn, scaring the daylights out of all of us.

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